Reunions, Oreos, & the Jedi
by eomlas
Summary: Anakin falls in a closet and don't come back. Cristiwho has left her aunt's abode to the whims of people like LegoIwantmorecookieslas and her highschool enemy Kellyjumps in after him. They are in ME, and to her horror, Cristi has turned into a MarySue!
1. Reunions, Oreos, And the Jedi

"Yeah Ma, I'm fine. No, I haven't been doing drugs. Yes, I'm doing my homework, speaking of which, I have my final class of the semester I need to get to. I'll talk to you later, ok? No, I really need to go. Bye!"

I sighed as I got off the phone (finally) from my Mom. Now that I was in college, she seemed to think that if I wasn't under her guiding hands, I was certain to get into trouble and an hour conversation a day was the only way of keeping me in check. Honestly!

After all my classes were done, I arrived back at my apartment. I took out my keys to unlock the door, when I heard noise inside. I tried the door. It was unlocked. I dialed 911 on my cell in case I would need to call them. I inched the door open. All I saw was some armor and matted blonde hair, a white dress with long sleeves and some more blonde hair.

I cancelled the call and stepped into the room, closing the door. They turned and the white dress ran towards me.

"Cristie! It's so good to see you!"

Eowyn threw her arms around me. Eomer turned as well, and walked toward me and held out his hand. "Looks like you found it." Inside his hand was a little carved horse that he had left last time he had visited me.

He and Eowyn, a large force of the Riddermark, the Fellowship of the Ring, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy from the Chronicles of Narnia, and Jack and Will from POTC had suddenly appeared at my house willy-nilly. They had spent a very hectic week at my (thankfully four-miles-away-from-anyone-else-with-my-parents-gone) house.

That had been when I was 17. It had been 2 years since then, and I was already wondering how I could fit their whole gang inside my little apartment in the Village. Especially if all the Rohan peeps and their horses came. I'm fond of horses, but there just isn't room I'm sorry to say for them.

The concern must have shown on my face, for Eomer hastened to tell me of how they had gotten here. It was a rather funny story.

Apparently, Faramir and Eowyn hadn't gotten married yet, and Eomer was chaperoning them on a horseback ride. Faramir was taking them to his old hideout in Ithilien. As they entered the cave, they all suddenly found themselves in my apartment.

I asked where Faramir was, and he took that moment to make his entrance. Oh my gosh, I envy Eowyn sooooooo much! Of course, her brother isn't all that ugly either…

Oh, er, anyways… um, yeah so the guys were really cute and we continue with the adventure.

So, I decided since I had finished the semester, I ought to go to my aunt's house post haste. I mean, since the old group seemed to be coming around again. And if that was the case, my apartment wouldn't fit four of their horses let alone the whole group. Thank goodness my aunt needed to have her house watched while she was away visiting family!

A short while later, we were in the car. Faramir was still a little unsure about going so fast, but Eowyn & Eomer were begging me to roll the top down. I did so, and turned up the radio. I passed my emergency pairs of sunglasses out to all of them. We arrived at my aunt's house that night, with Eowyn still giggling about the soda I had given to Eomer that he gagged on. (Eomer is well know to be able to hold his beer in the Riddermark, but apparently he can't take root beer)

I unlocked the door, and stepped inside. A note was lying on the table. It read, "Hi dear, sorry I couldn't see you before you left, but I had to leave a little earlier than I thought. Help yourself to anything in the fridge, and enjoy yourself. My movie rental card is in the left drawer. Lancelot's dog food is in the cupboard. Have a nice time honey!

"Aunt Joanna"

(Honestly! Who would name their rottweiler Lancelot?) While I was reading, I saw a figure slip in the door out of the corner of my eye. It paused when it saw me. Then it came forward and something tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to face an arrow on the string. I saw blue eyes beyond it relax, then widen in surprise.

"Lady Cristie, it is good to see you again!"

"I would feel a lot happier about seeing you again if you lowered your bow."

Legolas sheepishly lowered his bow, and gave a low whistle to someone outside. Gimli entered with grunt. Unfortunately for Eomer, who had just entered behind Gimli and was still looking a little green from his encounter with soda, the dwarf chose that time to ask what had been his favorite question last time around.

"Well woman, where are you hiding the beer of a root?"

I dodged out of Eomer's way and pointed in the direction of the bathroom in panic.

"It's that way! Turn left!"

We spent the rest of the day babysitting the sick-as-a-dog-Eomer. Poor guy, the bubbles in the pop really hadn't agreed with him. He finally fell asleep at 10 pm and Eowyn and I retreated from the room before he had the chance to wake up again, leaving Faramir with him.

I was about to flop down onto the sofa, when there was a scream from the direction of the kitchen, a loud crash, and then the most interesting words in Elvish that must have been the translations of English four letter words.

Eowyn rolled her eyes at me, and we both bolted on silent feet for the kitchen. A very humorous sight met us. The elf sat on the floor by the counter, with the remnants of the cookie jar, it's contents, and a stool spread around him. He was rubbing his head and letting out a continuous stream of Elvish expletives.

He still hadn't noticed us, and promptly halted his muttering when he discovered an Oreo in his hair. He yanked it out, and began munching on it. He had found five more before I frightened him out of his wits.

"Would you care for a napkin," I asked innocently. Legolas jumped about 3 feet off the floor, twirled around in mid air, and went into a defensive crouch, his cheeks bulging with cookies. He desperately needed the napkin, for his mouth and hands were smeared so badly with chocolate that he looked as though he'd been rubbing them in mud.

I'm sure that what he attempted to say was, "I can explain everything," but all that came out from the crammed mouth was, "Icnpaevyting," and half a soggy Oreo.

He was complaining the rest of the night as he cast murderous glances at Eowyn and I from the bucket of soapwater we had given him. The main reason was that we had confiscated all the remaining Oreos and were enjoying them in front of a screening of the Attack of the Clones. The other reason was that we had given him(besides the soapwater) a broom, a rag and wax for the kitchen floor.

We could hear his voice rise above the sounds of light sabers clashing now and then with the predicted grumble, "I'm an elf! I'm not supposed to be down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor till my hands get all dry and cracked."

We fell asleep like that and woke up the next morning to the fridge door slamming. My bleary gaze rose quickly enough to catch a guilty looking Faramir racing down the hall with a bucket of whipped cream. I shook my head and yawned, rubbing my eyes.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!" I jumped upright and raced out the door. My aunt's rottweiler was circling a tree excitedly, jumping up now and then to snap at the branches. Another panicked scream tore from the oak in question.

"Someone, please, help me! What kind of thing is this anyways? HHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!"

Before I could sprint there, an elven like blur raced past me, putting arrow to string. I started shrieking, "No, stop! It won't hurt anyone. Don't!"

The blur came to a sudden halt as the dog turned around and began to bark. Legolas looked like a statue except for his eyes, rolling in fear as he looked at the slobbering, growling animal. The thing that he didn't look at though was it's tail. It was waving merrily, and I could tell Lancelot was excited with all his new playmates.

Legolas screamed as loud as the person in the tree did when the dog knocked him over and began to lick his face enthusiastically. I put a stop to the whole thing by calling Lance over and yelling at the two panicked persons to put a stopper in their screaming activators.

"YO! ALL OF YOU JUST BE QUIET!"

Utter silence fell, until the person in the trees squeaked, "Keep that beast away from me. I'm warning you, I could have it destroyed!"

I nearly collapsed with frustration as I moaned to myself, "Why is it always me? Am I doomed to finish a semester, then find myself loaded down with the job of taking care of a bunch of out-of-my-universe-wierdos?"

While I was dealing with slight hyperventilation, Legolas swung up into the tree to retrieve whoever(or whatever) was up there. He hopped down quite nimbly, for an elf who hadn't been able to hold himself on a counter long enough to properly retrieve a bunch of oreos, with a squealing, kicking boy who was spouting off long words a million miles a minute.

"I demand that you take me to the nearest British consul immediately or it will be worse for you when I negotiate with the governmental institute of justice to ascertain your no doubt uncreative excuses for setting the dog on me. Tell me instantly whose vile cur it was that so ferociously attacked me?"

Legolas let go of the boy, completely flabbergasted at his vocabulary. The boy (who I knew by this time by his speech alone to be Eustace Scrubb from Narnia, well actually from England and he just visited there…annyways) took the opportunity to glance around for any guilty faces. He spotted mine, which was sniggering uncontrollably at the stupidness and ridiculousness of the situation, and immediately stomped over.

"I take it that the offending animal was your brute. I order you to keep it controlled!"

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. "Don't be ridiculous Eustace. By the way, where were you before you landed in the tree?"

He pulled a face, sulking slightly as he realized that he was known here.

"I was flying above Dragon Island, when suddenly the land before me changed, and I suddenly dropped. I landed in the tree as a boy instead of the dragon."

"Interesting. Get in the house, wash up and change. You'll find clothes in the bathroom closet. Oh, and if you're hungry, talk to Elf-Boy here. He'll show you where to find the cookies."

I wiggled an eyebrow at the very confused Legolas and walked off in the opposite direction for a walk. I desperately needed to get away from all the psychos. Sadly, that was not to be, as it seemed a day for people from other places to suddenly drop from the sky. Except this time, I heard a person yelling, looked up, saw a black shape and felt something hard hit me, then blackness.

When I opened my eyes, it was dark and my head felt like it would split open. I attempted to sit up, but groaned and lay back as pain lanced through me. A hand pushed me back (the reason for the laying back thing) as a voice said, "You better lie still for a while. I'm afraid you're going to be in pain for a while."

My eyes finally focused and grew used to the light. When I saw the people who were sitting next to me, I forsook any ideas I had of lying still. I scuttled backwards until I accidentally slammed into a tree, hitting my already throbbing skull.

Anakin (or should I call him Hayden Christiensen?) immediately jumped up to help me. I must have presented an awfully pitiful vision. There I was, simultaneously rubbing my head and my leg, which I had just noticed had sustained what looked like a painting on the calf consisting of green, yellow, purple, and blue bruises, all the while muttering incoherent phrases like, "Why me? Why… have to…all…universes…Jedo…I mean Jedi…Star Wars…help!"

Obi-Wan, who was thankfully with Anakin, approached me with some tea he had made (Wait, hold everything…where did he get the tea?) and used the force to calm me. Of course, it only worked because at that point I was too wierded out to remember that the force, in actuality, did not exist. I sipped my tea tranquilly while Anakin finished bandaging a cut on my arm. (what he had been doing before I woke up and freaked out)

Once I had finished the tea, something clicked that I had forgotten about till then.

"Hey, how come you guys fell on top of me? I mean, aren't you like, supposed to be back on Naboo or Coruscant or wherever you guys come from? And I couldn't have gotten so banged up just by being landed on by you peeps. What happened?"

Anakin chuckled as he fastened the end of the bandage in place with a pin.

"Actually, I have no clue. We were just sitting around, waiting for a transport to take us to the Jedi temple for our next assignment, when we decided to practice a little. We did simultaneous flips and special moves. We were in mid-air on a back-side-double-twist when all the city structures around us melted away and we found ourselves falling toward a forest on a different planet.

"Of course, Master Obi-Wan was panicking, especially when he saw you in our path, so I grabbed him then caught a tree branch and we stopped. Well, more like I stopped. At the sudden jerk, I lost hold of Master Obi-Wan and he landed on you.

"Then when I jumped down to help, this wild looking creature with a metal sword ran at you and my master (both of you were completely blacked out). It kept shouting something like, "I am a fighting Urukhai!" or some such nonsense. He had just swung his sword down and taken a small chunk out of your arm here when I ignited my light saber and took care of him."

I slapped my fore head as I realized not only had Star Wars had descended on my aunt's neighborhood, but some Middle Earthian orcs had decided to visit. And who knows who was at my aunt's house by now!

I quickly regretted slapping my head as fresh waves of pain zoomed through my body.  
"Ok, lets get to my place. I'll introduce you to the crowd, get you settled and when we find a way to get all of you out of here."

Obi-Wan interrupted me. "So, where is this place, anyway? What planet are we on?"

"Erm, we are pleasantly, I mean presently about one mile north of my aunt's house, USA, planet Earth. Does that answer your questions?"

Obi nodded while Anakin stood up. "If you live near here, the sooner we get there the better. I'll carry you till you're head clears a little."

I realized they, of course, didn't know my name, so I introduced myself.

"Oh and by the way, I'm Cristie."

Anakin replied, "Obi-Wan & Anakin, Jedi Knights." Then amending his words after a meaningful look from Obi, "Actually, Master Obi-Wan and I'm his padawan Anakin."

"Pleased to meet you. Now can we get out of here?"

Anakin lifted me, and I became painfully aware of my various bumps and bruises. I directed them in the, uh, well direction of the house.

As we proceeded, I took great delight in being held by Anakin. I mean, come on! A lot of girls wishing they could just get an autograph of Hayden's when they saw Attack of the Clones, and there I was, bandaged up by none other than Anakin Skywalker, and being carried by him! Totally awesome or what? There are some bonuses to being the maid during people-from-stories vacations; you know what I'm saying? So, uh, anyways…

When we arrived at my aunt's backyard, a truly horrifying sight met my eyes. I snorted with disgust into Anakin's Jedi cloak.

It appeared that the two sweet-tooths (Faramir y Legolas) had discovered my ant's huge (and I mean huge) supply of ice cream. By the looks of the deck, the grass surrounding it, and the trees that stood as sentinels, a large fight had taken place. There were splotches of cookies and cream her, a little Moose Tracks there, mixed in with what appeared to be bubble gum ice cream.

Anakin looked down at me and grinned. "This is indeed a strange planet you live on. What's all this gushy stuff?"

"Elves Delight. Let's get in the house and go from there."

He raised an eyebrow, but said no more. It was a good thing I prepped him beforehand about the situation and who was at my house.

Thankfully, they had kept their ice cream fight outside. Eowyn spotted us as soon as we entered. (The others were all glued to the TV show Survivors. "Cristi! I was so worried about you especially since you've been gone for a whole day." She suddenly realized that it wasn't just me. (Took her long enough since I was being carried by Anakin)

She turned bright red, as she recognized who was standing next to Anakin. (We had seen Attack of the Clones the night before, and she had commented that she thought Obi-Wan was, "A very, very handsome man.")

"Obi-Wan pulled his hand out of the sleeves of his cloak. "I'm Obi-Wan, a Jedi Knight, and this is my padawan Anakin. And you are…?"

"Eowyn, sir knight."

After introduction time was over, I asked if anymore people had popped out of a tree.

"Not really."

"What does not really mean?"

"Only two."

She gestured toward the couch where I spotted a furry head protruding from the couch.

"That one is very odd. I think his name was Chewbacca. His friend can understand him and translates for us."

My heart bounding, I asked, "Who's his friend?"

"He said his name was Han Solo."

It was at that time that I uh, came through with flying colors, and the rest of the time everyone was there I was a perfect angel. Well, that is a slight exaggeration. In actuality, I kinda, not really, slightly collapsed. Then again, maybe that's still a little bit of fabrication. Fine! I admit. I, Cristi Reolan for the first time ever, fainted. End of story, I'm not talking about it again.


	2. Has anyone ever told you how we

"Has anyone ever told you how well you faint? I mean, the way you drop so gracefully…"

I tried to tune out the continuous drone of Han's voice. He hadn't stopped flirting with me ever since I made him a pan of brownies with melted caramel drizzled on top.

"Ohhhhh say can you seeeeeeeee…"

He winced as I let my voice hit a screechy chord. "Ok, ok, I get the picture. I'll shut up. By the way oh Cristiness, you seen Eustace around anywhere?"

Eustace had done just as he was supposed to do in Narnia. He claimed that Aslan had appeared to him, and he was changing into a nice boy. Thankfully. He had been a horror when he first arrived. He had even taken me up when I said that Legolas would let him know where the cookies were. I discovered that the ENTIRE cabinetful of Auntie's cookies had disappeared, quite mysteriously, when Legolas was showing Eustace around the house.

"No, I'll go and check. You stay here and finish dinner with the others. Oh, and by the way Hannesss, when you do finish dinner, there's a pan of brownies in the fridge."

I waltzed out of the room; grateful to leave the sounds of Han's wild chewing behind me. Once I had looked inside and seen no trace of Eustace, I took my one-man search party outside. I opened the sliding glass door, and stepped into the backyard. I screamed and ducked as two light sabers nearly released my body from my head.

Obi-Wan and Anakin sheepishly lowered their blades as I screamed dire threats at them. I had practice doing it, screaming dire threats that is, as recently I had needed to harangue Eomer for plucking the hair out of one of my aunt's very expensive porcelain dolls for his helmet, Gimli for using the Picasso painting as a target (come to think of it, he was right. It does look like a target), and Chewbacca for hunting down all the cute local squirrels and bringing them back to me to cook.

Anyways, the two "knights" lowered their light sabers. A moment of slight annoyance may have passed between us, but it all blew over as soon as Anakin dropped to his knees to beg for forgiveness. I smiled graciously at him as he kissed my hand and said, "Please excuse my possibly too forceful comments. Nevertheless, it would please me greatly if you could stop throwing around those light sabers when I'm around. Now, have either of you seen Eustace?"

"My lady, I saw him leave for a walk earlier. Perhaps he is lost. If you wish we can search for him with you."

Obi-Wan threw a look at Anakin that clearly said, "Next time ask me before you commit to a search for pity's sake!"

Anakin rolled his eyes at me and stood up, taking my arm. We strolled around to the front of the house calling Eustace's name. I stopped dead in my tracks as we turned the corner and saw a red convertible packed with a few girls I knew from high school. Hoping that they hadn't seen Anakin, I shoved him in the direction of the backyard and warned him to get everyone else to the woods behind the house quickly.

Once he was gone, I walked sedately up to the car. Eustace was deeply engaged in a conversation with the boys about car engines. The girls looked up.

"Cristi! Surprise! We decided to come and house sit with you now that school's over with!"

Was I glad that my old buddy Audrey was there? Totally! But was I glad that she had brought HER friends from high school? DEFINITELY NOT! I couldn't stand Sierra and her minions, Kelly and Chloe. They had been the most popular girls in high school, and had been perfectly beastly to me. And the thing I was definitely not hot on was that they had brought along their boyfriends. Their boyfriends Todd, Karl, & Steve were worse than the girls. (Audrey hadn't had a boyfriend since the Theodred incident and was threatening to become a nun)

"Uh, sure thing. How long are you staying for?"

Sierra slithered up to me (she reminds me of a snake) smiling degradingly at me. "Why silly, you seem surprised to see us. Didn't you get our message last night?"

"Uh, surprised? Oh, er, yeah your message. Erm, come inside."

I mentally slugged myself as I remembered the phone call that I had ignored last night. Of course, I did have a valid excuse! I was very busy in the kitchen. Cleaning up. Well, more like…um, well, that's beside the point. The point is that I missed the call.

I ran inside before Kelly and her macho companions came in. I looked surreptitiously out the sliding glass door in time to see my eh, more welcome visitors running into the woods.

"So this is your aunt's house? Nice place she's got here Cristi."

Audrey and I were in the kitchen making dinner for my "guests", who were currently engaged in a game of croquet on the lawn. At least they said they were playing croquet. And Audrey and I were in the kitchen making pork chops.

"Um, yeah. It's a real comfy place. Hand me the sauce would you? No, it's in the other fridge. Next to the Elves Delight."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing. Little name I came up with when I was annoyed, I mean bored. Hehe."

"Ok, what's going on here? The others haven't noticed it, but why were there Jedi looking robes in the laundry basket? And why did I find a big axe like Gimli's under the bed? And why is there so much junk everywhere? It looks like you've had another visitation by the Lord of the Rings peeps and Star Wars guys here."

I took a deep breath and patted her on the back. Audrey looked at me in disbelief. "No, no you're not serious. No way. Uh uh. There is nooooooooo way that they could be here again."

"Audrey, they are here, but Theodred isn't with them this time. However, your all-time favorite movie character is here."

"OBI-WAN KENOBI IS IN THE VICINITY OF THIS HOUSE? LET ME AT HIM! I HAVE SOOOOO MANY QUESTIONS!"

I restrained Audrey, whispering frantically for her to remember her friends. But it really was useless, as at that time, we heard a scream. I grinned at Audrey and let her go. "Sounds a lot like you when you first saw Legolas!"

Anakin was standing with Obi-Wan with their light sabers ignited, surrounded by the screaming Sierra, Kelly, and Chloe who's boyfriends were hoisting croquet sticks while telling the girls to run. However, I think that was the farthest thing from their minds. I strode out into their midst, motioning for Obi and Anakin to switch off their toys.

"Ok everybody. Let's remain calm. Sierra, Kelly, Chloe, would you three mind lowering your voices and backing off so Obi and Anakin can breathe? Thanks. Now Todd, Karl, Steve, those weren't meant to brain people with. Now, explanations."

Having no choice, I related to the bimbos, I mean dear, sweet friends of Audrey's, the whole story. However, I regret to say that before I could finish the whole story, Legolas and the LOTR group appeared out of the woods, and we went from bad to worse. I mean, I was afraid we'd have to use a crowbar to peel the girls off poor Elf-Boy. But then again, Anakin wasn't having to hot of a time either. I imagine he could have used an oxygen tank as the boys were so close to him, inquiring about the technicalities of a light saber and how to drive a racing pod properly, that he had started to hyperventilate by the time things had settled down again.

Well, they didn't really settle down. The dog, Lancelot the rottwieler, appeared and joined in with what looked to him like fun. Seeing him, the boys and their compañeras hightailed it for the surrounding trees. Disappointed and upset, Lancelot tore from one tree to the next, barking up at it's screaming inhabitants.

Breathing heavily, Audrey and I pulled ourselves off the ground from where we had been flattened by the stampede. I went over to Anakin to get him in the house for a drink of water. When I came out, Legolas was shaking his head dazedly, his eyes crossed. His forehead had the imprint of the dirt from where he had been tossed easily aside by three freaking-out girls.

By this time, my guests had screeched themselves hoarse, and were clinging to the tree they sat on. Todd was holding up Sierra, who had fainted. Lancelot had decided that they were boring and had curled up at the base of Steve and Chloe's tree. I called him to me and put him in his kennel with a bone. On my way back, I smelled the pork chops burning. I ran to the kitchen where Anakin was leaning against the fridge sipping water. I threw open the door and yanked on the platter.

Unfortunately, Anakin tried to help. His hand bumped my hand and out of it the platter did a spectacular flip, splattering us both with hot sauce. A chop landed on his head, making him jump and give a little shriek of surprise and pain. It was very hot, as it had just come out of the oven. I screamed too and yanked him over to the sink, brushing off the chop into the garbage as we went. Turning on the faucet, I shoved Anakin's head under the hot deluge. He choked and spluttered, yelling, "Cold water Cristi, cold water!"

I realized I had turned the knob for the hot water and quickly turned the other knob while switching the other one to off. I held Anakin's head there for a while, combing through his hair with my fingers, occasionally discovering an onion piece, a broccoli, and other sundry items.

When he resurfaced, his hair dripping, he was gingerly touching his head. He grimaced in what he thought to be a daredevilish way, but turned out to be more of a pained twist. Worried, I said, "Are you ok?"

"My head feels like it's been badly sunburned. Is it really nasty?"

He bent his head for me to investigate and I tentatively looked through his hair. I flinched as he did when I touched his pink scalp. "Yep. You've got a vicious burn on your skull. Let me get some aloe gel to rub in. It'll help it cool down a little."

As I went to the bathroom sink for the gel, I remembered the commotion outside. I popped my head out of the bathroom window to take a peak at how things were going. I pulled it back, giggling uncontrollably as I saw Legolas once again surrounded by the girls, Obi-Wan obviously trying to ignore the young men in front of him, and Audrey conversing with Eomer, fluttering her eyelashes in a most convincing manner.

I returned to the kitchen and to Anakin, who was chomping down on a sub sandwich. I suppose he thought of it as a comfort food or something. I jumped onto a stool next to him, splashing some gel onto his head. Anakin stopped chewing and focused on my eyes, which were focused on my hands rubbing the gel into his hair.

He began to lift his head and I scolded him. "Hold still! I'm trying to get a spot on the back of your head. I'll fall! Anakin! I will not stand for…"

My eyes bulged as his mouth came into direct contact with mine. The breath whooshed out of me as he yanked me off the stool. He didn't put me down, and my ribs began to feel as though they were being crushed. Coming out of my frozen state of shock, I wrenched my head away.

Anakin put me down on the splattered kitchen floor. He didn't take his arm from my waist though, and we stared at each other.

"Well, well, well. Isn't this cozy? Really very sweet actually."

Anakin looked over my head and rolled his eyes. I turned around to see Sierra raising a beautifully arched black eyebrow. Anakin put his hand on my shoulder. I impatiently pushed it off and faced Sierra whose ranks had been swelled by Audrey, Kelly, Chloe, their boyfriends, Obi-Wan, and everyone else. All of them wore shocked expressions that in my opinion were a few sizes too large.

Audrey & Obi-Wan pushed their way to the front. Both of them started babbling.

"Cristi! What…where? Are pigs flying? Has your pet frog suddenly become a prince?"

"Anakin! Just exactly what are you doing? You know Jedi aren't allowed to love!"

"Why does everyone else have delusions of grandeur?"

"What will Master Yoda say?"

"Sierra and Todd, you and Anakin, Kelly and Karl, Chloe and Steve…"

"You'll be banned from being a Jedi before you ever become one!"

"Han, come over here. I need some moral support."

"STTTTTOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!"

My scream caught Han swaggering to Audrey, and Obi-Wan in a silent mid-flap of the jaw.

"Stop this nonsense right now! Everyone to the living room this moment or so help me I will leave and you all will be forced to fend for yourselves!"

Surprisingly, they all followed my orders and proceeded to the living room. I seized Anakin's hand and we escorted the horde. When every spare inch of carpet and couch had been filled, I commenced to explain all things from start to finish. I ended by saying that a way needed to be found to get back to Middle Earth, a galaxy far, far away, and England 60 years ago. There was a silence except for Steve's snores.

Anakin squeezed my hand and directed his words to Obi-Wan. "Master, I have decided that no matter what happens, I will stay with Cristi."

Honestly! The sentimental fool! Not that I didn't appreciate his words, but really, that was a little much!

"Now, I suggest everyone go to bed. Anakin, will you take the boys and camp outside? Oh, and make sure that NO ONE sneaks out."

I cast a meaningful look at Sierra and her friends. All sported innocent faces. In my opinion, they applied them as well as they applied their foot-thick makeup. Badly.

Meanwhile, Legolas (who was sitting on the big La-Z-Boy) was pointing his finger from Anakin to me, and back again with a bemused look on his face. Gimli was muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Sheesh, that was fast."

Grumbling to himself, Han too was acting strange, "Dang, I thought she was going after me!"


	3. Freedom of Speech

"No, no, no Anakin. It's a convertible, not a speeder. AHHHHHH! LOOK OUT! YOU CAN'T FLIP IT OR GO OVER THE TRUCK!"

I ducked as Anakin zipped past a huge truck. (Honestly, why was I the one who had to teach him about speeding tickets?) Just to make sure I was still alive, I kept my eyes closed for another two or three minutes. When I heard Anakin asking me to do something about my hair, which had blown into his face, I figured that my limbs were all fine and in their original positions. He smiled over at me cheekily and said, "Sorry m'lady. I forgot you don't like me driving."

I uncurled from under my seatbelt, peeking grumpily at him. "Hey, you're in the US of A. Freedom of speech is allowed, but do you have to continually quote from Star Wars? I mean, you weren't actually in the movie. You were only the guy that they based the story on. They just found a guy..that..er…looks like you…"

Anakin merely raised an eyebrow as I trailed off, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. "As you said, freedom of speech. Oh, by the way, what this thing do?"

I lazily looked over to where I thought he was pointing. Of course, I lunged for the steering wheel and his hands, as he was about to activate the airbags.

"Hey, stop it," he yelled, tearing the wheel playfully out of my grasp. My eyes involuntarily closed as I saw my aunt's front gate looming in front of the bumper. Then I heard the garage door go up and a swift deceleration of gas. I glared at Anakin as he hopped out.

"Have I suddenly sprouted an ear milady?

"I wouldn't be surprised, and you can stop calling me milady now that we're home.'

Sierra popped out of the front door, caked from head to foot in a gooey paste made up of water and flour. She wobbled crazily over to me, a far too wide smile (for her) on her powdered face.

"Cristi! We were…hic…wondering when you'd…hic…be back. Anakin, would you care for some…hic…cider?

I suddenly realized that the water and flour wasn't actually flour and water. IT WAS CIDER AND SUGAR! WITH FLOUR POWDERED IN HER HAIR!

"What's going on?" I yelled at her. Sierra's face fell and tears began mixing with the sticky dough caking her face.

"Now..hic…there's no reason for you…hic…to be angry. We just…hic…well, I mean to say, Legolas…hic…found some cider in the fridge in the cellar. And he thought it was wine, so…hic…he took some out and started drinking it. But we knew…hic…it was cider…hic….and we tried to show him that it wasn't wine and we all drunk a lot. Hic. But now I'm feeling weird…hic…and Faramir and Gimli are playing roller blade hockey in your Jimmy Choos…hic…with wheels glued on the bottoms in the kitchen."

Anakin stared at her in utter shock as I flew to the house on wings. When I opened the door, I decided that Legolas actually was capable of making a bigger mess than he and Faramir had made with the ice cream. It was very disturbing. Eowyn was sitting in a corner, her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth while muttering incoherent words. As Sierra had said, Faramir & Gimli were enjoying an indoor hockey game, however, they had moved their game to the wine cellar. By the looks of it, about ten bottles had been smashed already. Eomer, Kelly, and Todd were playing Twister in a way that I had never seen before (if your backside isn't touching the mat, you lose); Chloe, Karl, Eustace, and Steve were in the middle of a drink-as-much-root-beer-in-ten-minutes-as-you-possibly-can game. May I add that they had already downed at least 8 Costco bottles of the stuff?

As soon as I had stopped Faramir and Gimli from destroying my aunt's wine cellar (translation: as soon as I had yanked the shoes off of their feet and slapped them silly with them, then tossed them into the backyard), gently told Eomer, Kelly & Todd that their playtime was over for now, related to Chloe that she was getting a beer belly, and ushered them all outside, I looked in all the rooms for damage averages.

I found Obi in his and Anakin's room reading Homer's the Iliad while Audrey was buried in Tintin. Obi-Wan found Earth's history to be very interesting and was obviously staying out of the mayhem that had been going on with Audrey. He glanced up at me as though to say, "What now?" When Obi saw it was me, his face was suddenly wreathed in some of the biggest smiles I've ever seen. Obi jumped up, dropped to one knee, and kissed my hand in the most gentile way possible, thanking me profusely, Audrey giggling at my flaming face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, let's go and help Anakin keep those hooligans in check."

Obi-Wan hopped up onto his feet, slipping my hand into his arm and courteously escorting me to the kitchen where Anakin was picking up bits of watermelon rind. He looked up at us wryly, grinning at Obi-Wan.

"Glad that we rescued you from the watermelon eating contest? It looks like they slathered the whole kitchen with the stuff!"

"I refuse to face this. We'll make them pick it up when they're sober. Speaking of which, we better check on them."

We traipsed out to the back porch to be met by the sobbing Faramir saying that Eowyn had climbed a tree and couldn't get down. I walked to the tree in question and saw a pair of white legs dangling from one of the top branches. I sighed and walked to the other sane people in the area.

"Well, we'll just have to leave her there until Legocookielas gets sober. He must have drunk an awful lot before they found him and 'convinced him that it wasn't Dorwinion'."

I rolled my eyes expressively at Audrey and Anakin, who winked back at me, and we waltzed arm in arm back to the house, where we spent the afternoon watching all the Jurassic Parks. By the end of it, all of us were looking behind our backs for dinosaurs. So when we decided to go outside to check on the cider-drunks, I decided that a full escort was needed. I took along the dog and Anakin.

We found the group, that looked as though they could have broken the record for migraine headaches, perched on the edge of the porch. Apparently, Legolami(he likes salami) had been gentlemanly when he became sane again and had fetched Eowyn down from the tree. He was now lying curled up in the rocking chair wincing at every vibration that our feet were causing to reverberate in the deck timbers.

All of them stared sheepishly up at us, while trying to shield their eyes from the porch light I had turned on since it was dark.

"Alright you miserable bunch of sops, it's your lucky day!"

At this, Sierra and Todd the Clod looked up hopefully while Eustace and Chloe tried to stop burping from the after affects of their root beer contest. Kelly lurched her way over to us, clutching her head and stomach, which I imagine was sore from twisting from a green spot to a red one, whimpering that she needed to go inside and lie down. I grabbed her shoulders, shoving her into the chair next to Legolas.

"Listen up," I yelled above her protests, "there is a huge mess in the kitchen and living room that you guys made with your tomfoolery. You will come in and once your headaches has receded a little, you will pick it up to perfection, or you will never see Middle Earth, your college or wherever again! Comprende?"

I got all of them up only to have them collapse on the couches, lay-z-boy, love seat (Sierra & Todd), and even the carpet. Pitiful. The rest of us went to bed with light hearts and without massive headaches.

The next morning we had one team cleaning up the larger pieces of debris, another dusting and vacuuming, and Gimli chopping wood. While everyone grumbled and moaned around me, I was worrying about what to do with my large group. My aunt was due to come back in a week, giving me barely enough time to clean up from the earlier day's fracas, let alone get ride of the tourists to Earth.

In between lunch and Scrub-The-Floor-Or-Cristi-Will-Flog-You, the phone rang, and I dodged Eomer and Karl, who were being good little boys and scrubbing down the counters and cupboard doors, clapping the thing to my ear.

"Yo, wassup?"

"Really Cristi darling, must you forever use such slang? Oh well, anyways dear, I wanted to let you know that I'm not coming back for another month. I hope that'll be alright with you?"

Alright? Hallelujah! I was saved! For another month.

"Sure, hey no problem whatsoever in you, er, enjoying yourself for another month. I'm having a blast."

"Actually, it sounds more like you're having a party. Who's there? I'm so glad you have someone to keep you company."

I turned desperately to quiet Faramir down, who was hopping around, holding onto his toe. A skillet he had been drying lay next to his other foot, and he tripped over it, raising an even bigger clatter and used some expletives in Gondorian that if I understood, I doubt I would want to repeat. Giving him the cut-off-the-head gesture, I brought the phone back to my ear.

"Oh, um, it's just some old friends from high school. You know, the good old reunion type get together thing."

"Oh, alright." She sounded slightly hesitant, so I quickly remedied myself. "Well, they came over to take care of your place for a day because I have to go back to New York for something in my apartment. Well, talk to you later!"

Relieved, I hastily clicked off as she said goodbye. Leaning against the counter, I breathed again. Then my eyes caught the guilty looking Faramir. I pointed at him and said, "I'll deal with you later."

Deciding I needed a break from babysitting all of them, I grabbed my purse and Anakin, leaving instructions with Obi-Wan and Audrey for the care of the immature dolts on the way to the car.

Since we were going to New York and very busy roads, I decided that Anakin driving would not be acceptable. He was given the job of being disc jockey. (We were listening to some very weird mixes: Coldplay, a Celtic cd, classical, some rock, Josh Groban, Lotr soundtracks, and more.)

When we finally got there, Anakin looked like he was more in his element. Tall skyscrapers, busy streets, and lots of people. I had to yank him into the apartment building. I was only there to pick up some more clothes and books, since my aunt didn't have very many. While I dug around in my bedroom for more t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans, Anakin decided to explore.

When I came out, he was opening the tiny hall closet that I never bothered to use. He put his hand in, reaching for something inside, and he disappeared.


	4. My Sojourn Into Middle Earth

Completely shocked, I dropped my duffel bag and screamed. I ran to the closet and without thinking, I dived in after Anakin. As soon as darkness enfolded me, I hit a hard wall. My groans of pain echoed around me with what I recognized as water dripping.

When I opened my eyes, I thought that there were stars circling my head in a speedy dance. After watching them for a minute, my pounding head processed that they were reflections from the waterfall and small pool at the far mouth of the cave, where a waterfall was allowing a hint of light in. Besides that, it was dark.

My brain beginning to clear, I heard ragged breathing to my left. I dropped to my knees and crawled in it's direction. My hand touched something warm and solid that by my adjusting eyesight I saw to be Anakin's face.

By the large bruise that was developing and cut oozing blood on his forehead, I gathered that Anakin had crashed head first into the rock wall without time to throw up his hands to protect himself. He had been knocked out, and fallen back onto the stone floor of the cavern. I grabbed the edge of my sleeve, attempting to rip it off to put on his forehead like the women in all those western movies. How the heck did you do it? Mine wouldn't tear, and was getting me very frustrated, when a shadow fell over us. (Yes, I had gotten used enough to the light that shadows could fall)

I turned my head slowly to face a tall man surrounded by…uh, some more tall men. He was just a different kind of tall man 'cause he had a sword instead of a spear or bow. But the strange thing was that it looked like he had cloth on it or something. I slapped my head as I realized that it was in a scabbard. About that time, one of the guys grabbed me (and I swear that he had the strongest grip ever) and pulled me away from Anakin. All the others surrounded him and I saw a rope in one of their hands. Thinking they were going to hang him or something (trust me to think up the stupid things), I kicked the guy who was holding me in the shins and dived into what I considered to be the fray. Naturally, I didn't watch where I was going and slammed headfirst into the floor with my arm under me. I heard it crack before blacking out.

A red haze filtered into my closed eyes, so I cracked one open and quickly shut it again as bright tongues of flame danced before it. I lay still for a while, thinking how nice it was of someone to build that fire for me. Then a door opened and I suddenly found it hard to keep my eyes open. I heard footsteps come toward me. They stopped, then I felt a wet cloth on my forehead. Eyes just about popping, I sat up with a little shriek.

"Owwwwwwwww!"

A woman sitting next to me just about jumped 5 feet from her chair at my surprising recovery. She pushed me back, breathing a little hard.

"There there dear. Oh, your arm wrapping is coming off from the wood again. Now you stay here while I get some more wraps and your man and hold still. You're head doesn't need to split open again! Goodness, you gave me a fright!"

Confused, I reached up to touch my head and my arm, gave a throb of pain so intense I almost screamed again. I looked to where the woman had been and saw myself vaguely mirrored in a copper mirror. I could make out my head witha cloth wrapped around it. I understood how frightened the woman must have been seeing me wake up like that. I mean, if that was just my face, what did the rest of me look like?

In addition, what did she mean by "my man"? Oh well. As I had nothing else to do, I lay back and relaxed, tying to ignore the pain in my right arm. I guessed that it must be broken. Thinking aloud to myself, I said, "Why doesn't it have a cast? Oh duuhhhhhh Cristi! You aren't in your own world. That explains this dress!"

My oral thoughts were interrupted by the lady coming back in (I noticed that she was a young, pretty nurseish looking girl) with a young man in the clothes of the menkind of Middle Earth.

"Cristi! I was worried about you. They said that you had a high fever and were on the brink of death."

Huh? Who was this guy? And me on the brink of death? As far as I knew…wait a second. WHERE WAS ANAKIN?

"Yo…erm, nurse, do you know about the guy that was with me? He was unconscious last time I saw him. He has blonde hair, he's tall, blue eyes, need I go on?"

The man laughed (why was it a familiar sound?) and strode over to me. He pushed a little blonde hair off his forehead, and I saw a nasty bump and scrape. I looked from them into a pair of blue eyes. I buried my head into the blanket, the sting of the wound on my head making me immediately regret it, as I flushed with embarrassment at not recognizing Anakin

"As far as I know, I'm conscious, but I'm awfully glad that you are too finally."

Deciding I needed to find out the particulars of everything, I removed my head from the casing of cloth. As soon as that was done, Anakin put a glass of water to my lips, helping me realize that I was on the point of dehydration. I'm afraid that while I was refreshing myself, I may have slurped and dribbled some water onto the front of my dress and such, so all in all, Anakin and I ended up being a little wet.

Smiling a little smile that seemed to say, "She's insane," the nurse approached and laid her hand on my forehead again. She looked down at me with what I guessed to be understanding of why I was acting to out of this universe. Of course, she was right. I was out of this universe! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ha ha ha, erm…yeah. Lame joke.

"It looks like you haven't shaken that fever yet."

Handing a towel to Anakin, she backed out of the room, pointing toward another door.

"I'll go and get someone else to watch her as I'm exhausted. Keep this on her forehead and dip it in water once in a while to keep it wet. Someone will be along presently."

Anakin grinned down at me after Ms. Nurse had closed the door, looking as though he was barely controlling his laughter.

"How is it that whenever I fall you get injured worse than me?"

"Laugh it up fuzzball."

I giggled to myself than sighed slightly as he didn't get the joke. Oh well.

"So, where are we anywho?"

His smile was a bit nervous for some reason as he paused before answering me.

"You recall what you referred to as Mary-Sue's? Well, you, like them have fallen into Middle Earth. But," he said hastily as I opened my mouth to spew forth venomous words at him for comparing me to the MS', "as you jumped in to save me from the disappearing closet, you will not end up like so many others. We are now in a city called Minas Tirith. Am I safe now?"

I felt ready to die of shame. Here I was, a chica who had ranted against stupid Mary Sues all my life, a…oh was too horrible to think about. I tried to forget about it and looked down at me hands. Wait a…my hands weren't ever that porcelain color. I looked down at the rest of my body…aaahhh! I'd NEVER, EVER had a figure like this before! Afraid to do it, but knowing I had to, I pulled my long hair…HOLD ON A SEC! I DON'T HAVE LONG HAIR! Now officially freaked out, I looked down at it. It was a platinum blonde. I spotted a small hand mirror on the little vanity table thingie, and knocked Anakin over in my rush to reach it.

I was told later that my screams echoed all around the castle and you could hear them on the first level of the city.

Anakin rose unsteadily to his feet from where I had knocked over his chair. He got his balance, put his fingers in his ears, ran across the room to where I was shrieking at the hideously beautiful apparition in the mirror, and knocked said instrument of torture out of my hands. I turned on him, screaming hysterically, "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT IT CHANGED WHAT I LOOK LIKE! I LOOK LIKE A MARY SUE. I HAVE ELVEN LOOKING EARS NOW! I HAVE STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL BLUISH GREENISH VIOLETISH EYES! GET A DOCTOR, PLASTIC SURGERY! I HAVE TO BE LESS PRETTY OR I'LL GO INSANE! ANAKIN, I'M HIDEOUS! GET HELP GET HEL-"

Anakin smacked my face to bring me back to my senses. It worked quite effectively really. I stared up at him, my now rosy and perfect bottom lip quivering, and took a deep breath, effectively calming myself down. He pulled me to him and held me. As I relaxed in his arms, I thought how perfectly ridiculous this was. Here I was, more beautiful than Kelly could ever wish to be, with utter Mary-Sue eyes (meaning the most beautiful ever seen), and I was freaking out about it.

As I was wallowing in the depths of despair, the door burst open, and the room was suddenly filled with large, handsome, macho men in medieval looking clothing. One of them yanked Anakin away from me, and another grasped my shoulders.

"Milady, are you alright? Did this varlet hurt you?"

I realized that all of them were staring at me with dumbstruck expressions, some salivating liberally.

"Uh, no he did nothing to harm me. Please release him, he did nothing wrong towards me."

I began to panic again as I realized I was talking like a Mary-Sue. Thankfully, the honeyed tongue language came through and they rather grudgingly released Anakin.

However, none of them left. I moved rather uneasily behind Anakin and heard my now melodious voice, like the tinkling of small bells, requesting, "Please leave now. I need to rest."

They backed out of the door slowly and I noticed with a shudder a few bowing on their way out. Once they had exited, I reached up and clung to Anakin, desperation now doubt evident on my creamy white cheek.

"Please, please, please find some way to get me out of here and back to my normal self! This is just too horrifying to endure any longer. I'll go mad, I'll kill myself, or something of that sort if you don't!"

Anakin smiled down at me and said, "I will look for every possible way, but only when you've recovered fully, because after that exhibition of male friendliness in this place, I'm rather loathe to leave you here all by yourself. So, another day or two, and you and I will go back to that cave, alright?"

I sniffed rather loudly through my small, delicate nose and nodded tearfully.


	5. An Attempted Assasination

An Attempted Assassination

I stared rather miserably out the window at the rain, knowing I looked like the most beautiful and sad thing a person could ever see. Thankfully, I myself was spared the sight. I was still recovering from being transformed into a female capable of winning the Miss Elfdom contest with no one else who would be gorgeous enough to even come close to my fairy-like beauty. And the thought was quite disheartening. What was even more horrifying was my sudden passion with the color pink, which I had tried to hide from WLCC (the We Love Cristilas Club) to no avail. All the fabric stores in town were clean out. The men had disposed off all pink materials, pink was now hanging in lurid strips over homes, off masculine bodies, and their horses' saddles were a rather bright shade of sparkly pink. And as you probably noticed, they had changed my name. HELP!

I jerked my shimmering head around towards the door when I heard an ominous giggle. The sight, much like others I had been met with that day, was, in one word, pathetic. A group of fully grown men were clustered around the slightly open door, staring at me, once again numerous quantities of slobber running down there chins, as they stared upon my "Luscious" form. Or that's how the Aragorn the King of Gondor put it.

Poor Arwen. Even though I had explained my predicament to her, and promised not to exploit it, her husband was still fawning disgustingly over me. Like all the others. I swear, I was starting to wonder whether or not to allow Anakin his potty break from protecting me any more. Any absence of his made me wonder if THEY had succeeded in killing off their competition.

There had been one assassination attempt last night when Anakin went out to the stone porch whosiwhatsi for a breather. Someone had dropped (rather ironically) a statue of the Middle Earthian version of Cupid down, but thankfully missed him. Naturally though, Ani was a tad shaken. Now he only went out when I did too so as to avoid sudden and almost sure death at the hands of the WLCC.

Anyways, there was a bunch on men hanging around apparently trying to impersonate St. Bernards. I gracefully removed my apparently cute bum from the window seat and drifted ethereally toward the glassy eyes individuals. Stopping in front of the door, I smiled delicately, rosebud lips curving ever so horribly perfectly, blew them a kiss, then let me whole demeanor change.

My voice rocked the room in it's melodic intensity.

"GO AWAY! I do NOT want this attention! I only want to be left to my own devices. So stop staring and leave. I'm sure you have better things to be doing! Goodbye, I sincerely hope we don't meet again for a long time."

I slammed the door in their faces, and flung my back against it unless there was an uprising. I listened to their shocked cries, then to one of them give an order.

"The Lady Cristilas gave us an order! Come, let us be about our business so that we might honor her most sublime wishes."

Their footsteps slowly faded along with their rousing chorus of "The most beautiful and excellently gorgeous Cristilas is our Lady of Love." Once their sounds were completely gone, I ran to my flower-bedecked bed, jumped on, and buried my porcelain face into my pillow and screamed.

A hand rested on my back and began massaging it gently. I relaxed, knowing it was Anakin.

"Hey, shhh, you're ok. Everything will be ok. And you're better now, so we can leave tomorrow in search of the cave. It shouldn't be too hard. Then we can find the entrance back into your world."

I raised my infested-with-beauty head and said stupidly, "Really?"

Anakin smiled at me sympathetically and put his arms around me, and whispered, "Yup, and hopefully you'll go back to you're normal self, and the rest of the group at you're aunt's house will be behaving themselves. Besides that, we can only hope that we ourselves will be able to get out of our predicament. But, I promise you that if we can't, we will find a place in this country that no one will know where we are and settle down, alright?"

I nodded tremulously, and then sat up straight on the bed. Group! My aunt's house! I had completely forgotten about them! AAAAAHHHHH! The place would be a wreck by now!

I jumped off the bed, and began running around the room, grabbing down clothes suitable for traveling back. I could only assume I would change back into my normal clothes when we got back. And anyways, if we didn't the closet was still in my room. I yelled at Anakin, "Come on! We leave now!"

The gentleman in question yanked me to him and covered my mouth with his hand.

"Shhhh! We shouldn't let them know we're trying to leave. It'll be hard enough as it is. Now, let's go quietly and carefully to the stable to pick up some horses. Prince Imrahil (who isn't infatuated with you) knows the way there and told me he would go there with us."

10 minutes later, we sneakily crossed the courtyard, and went into the stables. Anakin checked to make sure no one was there, and whispered, "Prince Imrahil…?"

The Prince's voice came from a dark corner of the stable.

"I'm here Anakin. My lady Cristi, I am sorry for the uncontrolled behavior of my kinsmen."

I smiled graciously.

"No problem sir. I thank you for your pains on our behalf. And please do pardon me for speaking akin to the acursed language of Mary-Sues. I do not mean to do so."

I gritted my teeth in exasperation at my own stupid, princessy, hideously soft spoken way of speaking like a Mary-Sue! ARRGGGHHH! Um yeah, so, annyways…

And we go on with the adventure.

Imrahil had our horses saddled, provisioned, and ready to go. But we had to be sneaky, for if the WLCC got wind of this, we wouldn't be allowed to leave. Well, that is to say, I wouldn't be allowed to leave. There was a very close call at the gate when a couple of the guards (now outfitted with lurid pink uniforms)got up suddenly and began yelling dramatically, "And I love you Lady Cristilas. Would you honor me by becoming my wife?"

Thankfully, they were only sleepwalking, I held back my dainty scream of horror at the thought of becoming some dirty, unshaven man's wife, and we continued on, now very nervous. I had the horrible realization that if we were caught, we wouldn't just be barred from leaving, but there would be a huge uprising in which my male companions would no doubt be mobbed and possibly killed.

Due to Mary-Sue's unnatural sense of direction, I knew exactly where to go by my "instinct." I realized that the cave was in the woods of Ithilien, and we would have to go all the way across the large valley before we could enter the mountains and said forest. I wondered how long it would be before they missed us.

Prince Imrahil apparently was thinking the same thing, for he said, "We must hurry. We have to be across the valley and out of sight by morning, or else we're sure to be caught by the band that will no doubt follow us in, might I add, a good amount of anger toward Anakin and myself for "kidnapping" the Lady Cristi."

Anakin squeezed my rather trembling porcelain-like hand in encouragement, and asked, "Imrahil, how long will it be do you think before they notice we're gone? I mean, considering Cristi's fan club peeks into her room almost every hour, won't they be noticing about now that we're gone?" The Prince, in answer, picked up a bit of speed, glancing back once at the White City.

For about 2 hours, we rode across the plain, looking back rather fearfully at times. Once we were a quarter of the way across however, we slackened speed to let the horses rest a bit. The moon above us was very bright, the night was quite, and I started feeling very sleepy. After the third time of me falling off the horse when I dozed, Anakin put me in front of him and Imrahil took my horses reins. I yawned a bit, snuggled against Ani's chest, and laid my head down on his arm. Just before I drifted off, he bent and kissed my cheek lovingly.

I don't know how much time had elapsed, but when I woke up, I was extremely disoriented. Anakin's horse was galloping at a breakneck pace through trees filled with sunlight, and there were faint yells and screams that made my blood go cold coming from somewhere behind us. I craned my neck around and what I saw made me turn around swiftly and dig my heels into the horse's sides.

A wild crowd that looked like a solid wall of sparkling pink was about 400 yard behind us. Their long hair was flapping out behind them, and most of them hoisted axes and swords. I had never seen a more frightening scene.

Anakin was breathing hard and I felt his arm tighten around my waist even tighter. I shouted, "Where are we? Where's Imrahil?"

His response was not required, since at that moment, a pool and waterfall appeared, and I saw Imrahil gesticulating wildly at us to hurry. Ani pulled up sharply in front of him, and jumped down, grabbed me, then threw me over his shoulder like a rag doll as he ran through the waterfall.

There he put me down, yelling at me, "Look for the entrance into you're world. We'll try to hold them off. Hurry!"

I sprung into action, and hoisting my skirt, I ran to the back of the cave and found an opening high up where I was pretty sure the entrance was. I screamed above the noise of the waterfall and the fast approaching riders to get Anakin's attention. He turned, saw me pointing to the opening, and he with Imrahil sprinted towards me. As soon as they got there, Imrahil grabbed Anakin and yelled, "Quick! You go first or they'll kill you. No time for heroics!"

Anakin, helped by Imrahil to get that high, grabbed the ledge, pulled his legs up ran forward, and disappeared. Just as he did so, the first pink suited guy came through the waterfall. I immediately let Imrahil grab my waist and hoist me up. The man stared for a moment, then gave a feral scream and launched himself forward. I was up, but I stared at Imrahil and said in a very panicky voice, "What about you? They'll rip you to-" "Get moving! I'll calm them down! It was nice to make you're acquantaince Lady Cristi, now go!"

I obeyed and ran forward. All was suddenly very dark, and I once again hit a hard surface and blacked out.


End file.
